I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
