goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
