I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize