You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
