it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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