Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
