Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
