All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
