sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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