evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
