Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
