her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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