my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
