im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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