I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
