please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hippo gnu deer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
