the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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