btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
