Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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