Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
