she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Mom said you looked used
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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