we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
