I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
