Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
