I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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