hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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