Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My feet surprised me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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