First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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