so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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