Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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