Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
