Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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