someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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