let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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