Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
