So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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