Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
