What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
