im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
