I have demons in me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
