I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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