Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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