new low.... made out with someone while peeing
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
