he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fuck appropriateness.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
