My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize