her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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