The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
