For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
