see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
