i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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