I hate your face
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
