I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
