watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
