3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize