I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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