Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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