if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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