How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
