In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
