Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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