At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
