Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
