It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
