I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
