I wish life had little blips of pornography
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize