Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
