wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
