This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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