My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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