That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
