I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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