all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
