i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
