Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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