Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
