He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
