her vagine was all disorganized.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize