I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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