I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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