Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think i got beer on your cat.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
