how can u be prego again
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
